I heard this from a man who had no right left to live. You see he had read a tale my angelic hand had written. Unable to cope with the fiction of an Ethereal Lord he promptly went mad. Curious at his ramblings I wrote down his words. The man later committed suicide by sawing at his neck with a broken CD, the words "MAKE ME IDEAL" scrawled upon it. Whatever the CD was originally made for, I'm glad it served a useful function in the end.
-Aleximander
In my meanderings through life I have discovered one essential truth. A Truth that shatters the chains that bind our society together. Chains that, once unbound, threaten the very plane of reality itself.
All anime is connected.
I discovered this truth only by watching over seventy gigs of pirated anime (direct import from Japan, no less!).
My first inkling was midway through popular anime series Ore no Imoto ga Konnani Kawaii Wake ga Nai(OreImo). During season 2 of it's run,
I found an explicit reference to equally popular series Sword Art Online in the form of protagonist Kirito in figure form sitting on a shelf.
The truth was drawn before me then in all it's 2d glory. How could I have missed it before?
Kirito. Kirino.
I must have been blind!
There's more. You see, whilst scrolling through DeviantArt, premiere place to find real american mangakas of unparelleled art skill, I found even more proof of my theory.
I was photoshopping my waifu-Yoko from Gurren Lagann-with Rei Ayanami from Evangelion as a crossover pairing for my newest fanfic. But get this! If you make their pictures black and white and erase the hair, they look exactly the same!
I looked into it. Turns out a lot of heroines in today's anime world look nearly identical. These are characters we devote our lives to! How could I have been so blind!
Not to mention the personalities! After several hours into searching Urban Dictionary, I found that most characters in anime can be broken down into several archetypes. How could I have possibly known Kirino was a Tsundere! I thought her persona was entirely unique to herself!
This is true suffering. Have I finally ascended beyond the grasp of God? I have attained universal wisdom- these facts that no one else besides me could have possibly discovered. But what does one do with ultimate power? There is no doubt in my mind that I was the only one capable of harnessing this knowledge, but can I ever think of my beloved Yoko as a human being again? I even bought her body pillow recently to consummate our love!
But there is hope. This years new anime releases all look so good! Everyone is so moe I could almost die, and every show seems so invigorating and inspired! I just have to forget this nagging inside me and be proud to wear the name Otaku!!!! I wish I wasn't so alone though, but 3d women are such sluts! Thankfully I only need my Yoko to be happy.
Why is Japan the only place producing quality content? I can't wait until I move overseas to pursue my own career as mangaka. All the kawaii japanese ladies will flock to me, and my favorite mangakas like the guy who produced Naruto will come to me and say something like "damn this guy has talent" but in japanese.
To you who reads this: Do not pursue my line of thinking further. What will our world be without the loving, embracing arm of anime? More culturally inspired? More artistically diverse? Don't be such a baka! Anime is the future! One day when all the cynics just shut up and die and all the 3d sluts wither away I will be at the top of the pantheon! Anime will be real and the chosen ones like myself who have followed the Rules of Waifuism to a tee will be drinking our canned coffees in Tokyo!
That is all.
No comments:
Post a Comment